Let’s all imagine that we’re cognitive neuroscientists and we want to do some “research” about fanfic (why fanfic? nobody knows!) and see if we can get a bunch of womengurlz to support our pet theories about “the unified fabric of human desire” (whatever that is — ilithiana says plaid). Because you can totally tell stuff about brain function from hacked-together surveys on Appspot.

What will we put on our survey? Here are my questions.

1. What sex are you?
a) Man. 100% manly man. GRRR.  
b) Female. *teehee*  
c) Confused.

2. Which statement do you agree with? Choose one:
a) I love cock!
b) All men are heterosexual.
c) One day my prince will come, and he will be Edward Cullen.

3. Which best represents your fanfic reading habits?
a) I fulfil my personal fantasies by inserting myself into fictional scenarios.
b) Because of my sexual inexperience, I read fanfic as research about boys.
c) I read fanfic because I am into depraved kinks like homosexuality and bandom.

Jonquil (who, incidentally, is kicking bottoms and taking names on this one — check recent entries on her journal) suggested via IM:

4. Will you please tell me about your sexual practices? With pictures?

If you need inspiration, check out this transcription of the 70-question survey. Remember, nothing you suggest will ever be reviewed by an IRB, so you can ask anything.

See also: Ten steps to a perfect fanstorm at Hoyden About Town, unfunnybusiness roundup, linkspam roundup on DW, high-larious Ogi/Sai badfic slash (NSFW).

Credit: innocentsmith @ dreamwidth

In conclusion: fandom, I love you. You are smart and funny and don’t take shit from anyone — especially not cave-dwelling neanderthals posing as scientists.