In Surely Youâ€™re Joking, Mr. Feynman!, chapter You Just Ask Them?, Richard Feynman frequented a bar and desired to have sexual intercourse with the women there. He discovered that the women in the bar did not provide sexual favors in exchange for monetary compensation in the form of drinks. Although he gained a reputation for spending money on drinks for women, he was frustrated at the fact that the women did not consider alcoholic drinks to be payment for sexual services.
Feynman felt he was being cheated, and complained to his two friends from the bar: a female nightclub entertainer and her husband, the master of ceremonies. The master offered Feynman lessons on how to ensure that a woman he meets in a bar has sexual intercourse with him:
â€œOK,â€ he says. â€œThe whole principle is this: The guy wants to be a gentleman. He doesnâ€™t want to be thought of as impolite, crude, or especially a cheapskate. As long as the girl knows the guyâ€™s motives so well, itâ€™s easy to steer him in the direction she wants him to go.
â€œTherefore,â€ he continued, â€œunder no circumstances be a gentleman! You must disrespect the girls. Furthermore, the very first rule is, donâ€™t buy a girl anything -- not even a package of cigarettes â€” until youâ€™ve asked her if sheâ€™ll sleep with you, and youâ€™re convinced that she will, and that sheâ€™s not lying.â€
â€œUhâ€¦ you meanâ€¦ you donâ€™tâ€¦ uhâ€¦ you just ask them?â€
I have been a geek for most of my life. However, my geek identity is rarely recognized in meatspace interactions, probably because I am female. You would expect that people’s assumptions about the science, math, and tech abilities of girls and women would be challenged upon encountering female geeks in real life, but I have found that being a female geek actually reinforces sexist convictions that girls and women do not really belong in science, math, and tech.
I remember when I won some physics award in high school, a male rival complained bitterly in the library that the physics award he felt he should have won ended up going to “some girl”. He actually said that, emphasizing the word girl, as if my very gender invalidates my right to win a physics award. He complained loudly on purpose so that I would overhear the barb. I was shocked that people could say such blatantly sexist things in [current year], in which sexism was no longer supposed to exist, especially among my youthful generation. Instead of challenging gender stereotypes, my physics geekery apparently reinforced this guy’s perception that male rights are being eroded by uppity females who get awards we don’t really deserve. If he remembers me at all, he probably won’t remember me as the geeky girl in the library, but as some bitch from high school.
Some female geeks use the discourse of increasing female representation in science, technology, engineering, and math (the “STEM” fields) as a proxy for addressing sexism in geek communities. Because countering sexism against women does not directly benefit men, some women reframe the issue of sexism by appealing to capitalist values. They argue that if women are better represented in STEM fields, it would lead to economic growth and technological innovation (and that this can be achieved through efforts to reduce gender bias).
However, this strategy backfires when male geeks interpret the movement to increase female representation in STEM fields as “social engineering”, i.e., feminists forcing women to do what we purportedly “dislike” (science, tech, engineering, and math). The subtext of this movement—which is that female geeks who love STEM topics have to endure sexism from male geeks or get out, and this is a Bad ThingTM that needs to be fixed—is lost entirely.
Secretly, I wanted to run away with my brother’s Wrestling Buddy (which he still slept with every night), bind my boobs, and live the rest of my life as a boy.
Even more secretly, though, I wanted to be a girl – and not just any girl, but a capital-G, trend-setting, epitome of femininity, datable, respectable Girl. I had the right biological accouterments. I had the right level of socialized self-consciousness. Thanks to my parents’ unintentional sexism around the holidays, I had the right toys in the back of my closet. What was wrong with me that kept me from being a Girl?
Near as I could tell, other girls had access to some sort of mythical well of girliness – some ace in their perfectly pressed sleeves that I didn’t have.
I wanted to provide commentary before posting the image and quote, but I never got around to it, so I want to hear your thoughts.
â€œThat correlates more with any other success factor that Iâ€™ve seen in the worldâ€™s greatest entrepreneurs. If you look at Bezos, or [Netscape Communications Corp. founder Marc] Andreessen, [Yahoo Inc. co-founder] David Filo, the founders of Google, they all seem to be white, male, nerds whoâ€™ve dropped out of Harvard or Stanford and they absolutely have no social life. So when I see that pattern coming in â€” which was true of Google â€” it was very easy to decide to invest.â€
Background: Drupal is a kind of CMS (content management system); itâ€™s a particularly powerful and versatile platform for building and managing websites. It is free and open source, which means that you donâ€™t have to pay to use it, and anyone can help work on it. Thereâ€™s a very large and international community of people who use and work on Drupal, and like the wider tech community, itâ€™s dominated by white straight cis men. Open Source people, and Drupal people in particular, pride themselves on having a â€œdoacracyâ€â€”a community that values getting stuff done above traditional authority. This could create a beginner-friendly, non-hierarchical environment of subversion and experimentation. In practice we just have white straight cis men getting SUPER DEFENSIVE at the suggestion that maybe they got where they are not only by the sweat of their brow, and shouting down any mention of patriarchy, racism, or any other systemic oppression when people run the numbers and get to wondering why thereâ€™s so little minority representation in Open Source.
There is a nice summary of the podcast at the link, and my transcript is below the fold. Iâ€™ve added links to give context to some of the references Jack and the interviewer make.
I demonstrated an aptitude for computers when I was a young girl, but I didn’t have home Internet access until I graduated from high school. I blame the Patriarchy, partly.
By the time I was in high school, I was usually the only person in my classes who didn’t have any Internet access, while most of my peers had high-speed access. When my peers communicated with each other through e-mail and chat, I was shut out of the social conversation and didn’t understand the “technical” terms they were using. I understood the creative potential of being able to communicate with computer users all over the world. I knew that Internet access would allow me to communicate with others without my social anxiety getting in the way. However, my father was hard-set against the idea of “the Internet”.
For five years, I was part of a persistent family campaign to convince my father that we should get Internet access. He thought that the Internet was a software program that was just a “fad” and would go out of style. Back then, the mainstream media was even more confused than now about what “the Internet” was. The news sensationalized stories about online predators luring young girls through “the Internet” to rape them. The implied moral of these news stories was that the Internet was dangerous and full of sexual predators.
My father did not work in an office then, so he heard more about “the Internet” through his coworkers. One male coworker basically explained to my father that The Internet Is For Porn. My father came home and told us that he was never going to let us have Internet access, because girls especially should be protected from exposure to pornography.
Say hello to Ms Spam-Spam! We’ve put in a special account for linkspams to make it more clear that linkspams are a group effort here. All the old linkspams are now listed with this account too.
Most Big-Company Women CEOs Are Also Mothers. Sadly, this isn’t a sign that motherhood + career isn’t difficult: “The fact most big-company female CEOs have children may just state the obviousâ€”that the highest achievers can handle big challenges”
Intui has a nice infographic up: Payroll by Gender: Who Makes More Money? Most of this is moderately well-known stats (at least within feminist circles), but it’s nicely put together and the section that gave pay divided up by gender and ethnicity was fairly interesting.
The Cranky Product Manager is cranky: “Software Sisters, add your own experiences in the comments!”
The Awesome Foundation is running a programming workshop for girls, which will have them “design, program, and produce their own video games based on situations, systems, or relationships in their own lives”.
If you have links of interest, please share them in comments here, or if youâ€™re a delicious user, tag them â€œgeekfeminismâ€ to bring them to our attention. Please note that we tend to stick to publishing recent links (from the last month or so).
Thanks to everyone who suggested links in comments and on delicious.
These studies, all published in English between 1990 and 2007, looked at people from grade school to college and beyond. A second portion of the new study examined the results of several large, long-term scientific studies, including the National Assessment of Educational Progress.
In both cases, Hyde says, the difference between the two sexes was so close as to be meaningless.
The idea that both genders have equal math abilities is widely accepted among social scientists, Hyde adds, but word has been slow to reach teachers and parents, who can play a negative role by guiding girls away from math-heavy sciences and engineering. “One reason I am still spending time on this is because parents and teachers continue to hold stereotypes that boys are better in math, and that can have a tremendous impact on individual girls who are told to stay away from engineering or the physical sciences because ‘Girls can’t do the math.’”